So what to do when you can’t travel anymore – stay round the corner

Living overseas for a few years was a way to travel, see the rest of the planet and get paid for it. But with the wife slowly but surely developing a pregnancy waddle/hobble to rival the most sizeable of land mammals you can’t just jump on a plane on the weekend and head off to Hong Kong or Tokyo.

The answer, especially if you want to splash out and treat the wife:

Aside here boys – you fucking will. Don’t give it the hard man – she wanted the kid she can put up with the struggling while I’m at the pub horseshit – you will be as affected by her crazy pregnancy hormones as she is – don’t fight it lads, not worth it. She’ll think you’re a dick and you’l think she’s right.

So as I was saying – the answer is you hit up the ‘staycation’ options. A ‘staycation’ could be one of two things. It could be an absolute ripper of a weekend in your local neighbourhood. The best restaurants, maybe the movies, a show, run her a bath – cover the weekend in treats and general fun. If you’re in a big city you can go one better – hit a hotel.

This weekend we’re in the Mandarin Oriental. It’s a chain, yes. It’s a bit soulless at times, yes. But when you live in an asian city apartment with no bathtub with a pregnant wife the $400 per night price tag is soooooo worth it. The Mandarin chain are one of a dozen or more top flight hotels that will offer the club rooms that give you access to a free bar, breakfast lunch and dinner as well as a pool and gym so you can blow away at least a little steam while she luxuriates in a mudpack, gel wrap or some other witch-doctor bullshit in the spa.

The Mandarin chain are pricey – I wouldn’t want to spend a week in one of these places unless I had a spare kidney to sell – but they do customer service well and on the club lounge floor you and your ever growing wife can munch your way through almost constant buffet.

Staycation pros:

  • She’ll feel happy you’re getting ‘vacation type’ stuff in despite her developing condition.
  • You’ll get a decent feed, a free bar – if you stump up the cash you cheapskate – and a gym that isn’t full of ‘selfie wankers’

Staycation cons:

  • Cost if you go the whole hog and stay at a hotel. Come on – she’s worth it!