Sleeping next to a pregnant woman is an ever changing experience. When you’re growing another human in your belly you are going to have to play around with a few ideas before you get somewhere comfortable – and for you sunshine, that means work.

Prepare for:

  • Being a pillow for various parts of her body. Head, arms, belly, legs.
  • The introduction to someone else into the bedroom – yes, the pregnancy pillow. They come in a variety of widths and lengths (don’t we all) and your missus may well find that this easily maneuverable bedfellow is a little e more comfortable than your boney ass. (The three square feet of real estate in my current bed is slowly being eroded by not one but a series of pillows arranged in a variety of ways to give her a kind of supportive nest – yes – my wife built a pregnancy pillow fort!)
  • Sleepless nights. If you are a light sleeper you are gunna love a kid, but even now the wife will be up and down once or twice a night as the little bastard or bastardette in her belly will be jogging on the spot – that spot being her bladder.
  • Hunger pangs. She is gunna get puckish. On occasion the wife will decide she cannot go back to sleep without a snack. Handy to keep these by the bedside to save her hauling her additional weight to the kitchen. If you suddenly have a dream about a giant squirrel it is probably your wife munching a granola bar at 3am.

So what can we do:
Not much. My survival strategy has been to:

  • Give her space to sleep how she needs to. Don’t be a little bitch and complain ‘we’re not as close in bed any more’ – she’s pregnant dickhead.
  • Insist she brings food back to bed. Or put the bloody granola bars there for her!
  • Be cheery dickhead. She doesn’t want to be awake at 3am either – if she wakes you up give her a fucking cuddle and ask if she needs anything. You need to practice this so it comes out right and not like a lisping wookie woken from hibernation.
  • Treat this as training – when the baby arrives you aint sleepin’ anyway!

Good luck