Holy Fuck she’s in hospital.

So I’ll break this down nice and easy.

She went swimming, I went home. She was on her way back so i ordered us both pizzas.

Lesson 1 – reheated pizza in the microwave and a blasé attitude to cheese can lead to a dark place.

2am and the thunder starts. She spews like its an olympicc sport. There’s a part of us both that hopes thats it, but its not. half hour on and she goes again and then every half hour until we finally make the call for the hospital.

I think we should have gone earlier. We both had instincts that the thundering was unusual, but we didn’t follow up on that, we went back to bed hoping it was all ok for a 30 minute repste before her guts emptied again. By the time we went to hospital she was throwing up bile, then nothing, just dry heaving. If we had listened to the little voice in our heads we would have had a 2 hour head start on.

Lesson 2 – listen to your gut

Being on an ex-pat contract we get private healthcare so after 30 minutes of tests we are straight into a private room. She’s scared and so am i. But the nurses are good and a combination of languages gets across the issue. After three hours in the hospitall i head off to work, Because there’s fuck all i can do other than make sure i keep the employer sweet. Sometimes a boss is good about this sort of thing, sometimes they are not It all depends on the person.

Updates during the day are good until I get the early afternoon bulletin – all i read is the word ‘contraction’. I shit myself.

Lesson 3 – stomach spasms and gastric infection can set off the uterus.

But they give her more medication. I hotfoot it to the hospital and find her attached to various drips, machines and generally I’m in a state of – oh my god.

But the contractions start to subside an things start to level out. This is a fucking good thing because he’s only 34 weeks in there and its the neo-natal unit for sure f there’s a problem.

After a few hours I wander out and get some food. I’m gone an hour but I come back to a distressed wife who  starting o feel like a pin cushion as sh is on her 5th drip bag and her hand is swelling up. Again instilct says take out the drip and let her sleep, but I defer to the doctors. It’s not until 1am and she’s in agony that we eventually persuade them she doesn’t need anymore fluid and what she really needs is sleep. By this point I’m on the couch in the corner of the room and have to fight the fog of being away for a full 24 hours to scrape out a few phrases in chinese to get my point across.

Lesson 4 – if you’re staying the night prepare for discomfort.

Its 7.20 am now – she slept through and has gone back to sleep again. I am now awake and starving so I will very soon head out and try and locate some food. Last time i order pizza.